MCENTIRE JOINT NATIONAL GUARD BASE, S.C. -- Webster’s Dictionary defines “resiliency” as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. We all deal with misfortune and change, including things like stress, depression, anger, feelings of loneliness, and other stressors. We typically are going through some kind of “storm” in one of these areas, either currently, or we are coming out of one, or something is on its way to us.
Resiliency is not a “one-size-fits-all” formula or solution, as we are all built differently, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Some of us can handle a lot of stress and let it roll of our backs, and others may struggle with how to deal with it.
Good Relationships Take Investment of Time. I believe one key component in resiliency in recovery or adjustment from the misfortunes or changes in life is to develop good relationships with people who can help “share the load” of life’s troubles and storms. To me, a relationship becomes good after you invest time into it – a good relationship, in part, includes transparency on both sides and the willingness to “get real” with each other on stressors and struggles. In my life, those relationships include the one with my wife, Amy, and also include a few military/church friends.
Dual Dynamic of a Good Relationship – Listener and Encourager. A good relationship allows for not only someone to listen to you. This person can be an encourager to spur you on when you want to quit or you don’t think anyone else is or has gone through what you are going through. This friend can also give you a different perspective that you may not have thought about that would cause you to shift your mindset on the recovery or adjustment piece of how to deal with the storm.
Quantity and Types of Relationships. It is hard to make great friendships or develop a lot of different good relationships – typically, people count themselves blessed to have at least one honest, good, transparent friend. I believe we all need at least that one “go-to” person – for us at McEntire, having at least one “military buddy” would go a long way with making it through depression, anxiety, a seemingly hopeless situation – make the time and invest in at least one person that you can get real with and can go to when things get dark. On the other hand, it’s not bad to have some relationships/friendships with a few others that may not be someone you share everything with but someone that would be more of a mentor and sounding board on issues that are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of a bad day to the dark places.
Bottom Line – Take a Step towards Resiliency. Resiliency is a multi-faceted tool that takes time to develop and use effectively. We are not going to solve all problems with one facet of resiliency, but, do not let that deter you in starting towards becoming more resilient. Get out there and try to develop a quality friendship with someone you can learn to trust and be transparent with at some point. A lot of us get stuck with how busy life is, juggling our problems, and ignoring steps we can take to solve them. Start something new this month – develop a good friendship and relationship and don’t do life alone or without bringing someone in to share the burdens of life we will all bear.